


One Last Time

by Lady_Sage



Category: Persona 3
Genre: Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, October, Songfic, Spoilers, nothing is okay and everything hurts, there's nothing happy about this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 20:43:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11744832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Sage/pseuds/Lady_Sage
Summary: Akihiko and Shinjiro's relationship is...complicated, to say the least. Neither of them can read the other, and neither of them want to admit their own feelings to each other, let alone themselves. How can anything be solved between two such stubborn people?





	One Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> Song Used: "Tompkins Square Park" by Mumford & Sons

_Oh, babe_

_Meet me in Tompkins Square Park_

_I wanna hold you in the dark_

_One last time_

_Just one last time…_

 

It was just after midnight. Or, in his case, just after the Dark Hour. The atmosphere had returned to normal, yet the world remained still. Quiet. Eerie. Perhaps it was due to the surrounding darkness. Perhaps it was due to the significant lack of people. Perhaps…he was just overthinking the scenario. Not that it really mattered.

 

Shinjiro tossed his cigarette to the ground as he heard footsteps approaching him. “About time you showed.”

 

“Sorry, I had somewhere to be,” Akihiko said. “Y’know, Tartarus? The same place you should’ve been at as well.”

 

“Tch. I’m sure the group was fine one extra night without me.”

 

“That’s not the point.”

 

Rather than say anything else, Shinjiro turned on his heel and pulled the other towards him to kiss him hard on the lips. Akihiko struggled for a short moment before returning the kiss. Shinjiro slid his hand around to the small of Akihiko’s back, pulling him even closer.

 

“This why you wanted me to meet you here?” Akihiko said once he broke away.

 

He held back a smirk. “Anything wrong with that.”

 

“We’re in public. Someone could see us.”

 

“That didn’t stop you the first time. Or any time after that.”

 

That was when Akihiko pushed the brunette away from him. “C’mon, Shinji, the hell is going on? It’s late and it’s starting to get pretty chilly out here.”

 

What’s going on? Hmm. Well, that was a complicated question. Shinjiro contemplated his answer as he pulled out another cigarette. He lit it and took a drag, blowing the smoke away from Akihiko. He thought about starting with the fact that he had practically been forced into returning to the dorm. Force into rejoining a group he wanted nothing to do with. Or maybe he could talk about that after bringing up the kid. He could mention how ridiculous it was to let a young kid join the group. How fighting alongside the kid he unintentionally orphaned wasn’t an easy thing to do. Then maybe he could talk about how he had managed to live with himself for as long as he had after killing someone. Or he could just talk about his feelings in general.

 

“Well?” Akihiko spoke up, bringing the brunette back to reality. “Tell me.”

 

Too bad Shinjiro didn’t feel like talking.

 

_And, oh, babe_

_Can you tell what’s on my tongue?_

_Can you guess that I’ll be gone?_

_With the twilight_

_With the twilight…_

 

Instead, Shinjiro kissed the other again. Except this time, he put his tongue into it. Akihiko didn’t resist, but he did pull away again after a few long moments.

 

“No wonder you’re acting this way,” he said. “You’ve been drinking.”

 

“You say that like I’m wasted,” Shinjiro said. “Just a little buzz. If that.”

 

He shook his head at him. “Why do you do this?”

 

“Do what?”

 

“You only ever get close to me like this when you’re drunk.”

 

Now he raised an eyebrow at him. “The hell is that supposed to mean?”

 

Akihiko paused. “Nothing. Forget I said anything.”

 

“Aki—”

 

He was kissed by the other before he could continue with what he was going to say. And the moment those lips collided with his, he forgot was he was going to say anyhow. All he could focus on was the second tongue in his mouth and the hands working the buttons of his coat. Better yet, all he could do in response was push the other into the nearest wall. Akihiko let out a grunt between their lips when his back hit the hard surface, and it made the hairs on Shinjiro’s neck stand up in the most delightful of ways. So much so that he almost didn’t notice the hand reaching into his pants.

 

He chuckled against Akihiko’s lips. “Someone’s impatient.”

 

“I thought you preferred to just get it over with. Especially when we’re in public.”

 

“It’s nearly 12:30 in the morning and this area doesn’t even see much foot traffic at twelve in the afternoon.”

 

“What are you getting at?”

 

“I think we’ll be okay if we take our time.”

 

He shook his head again as he started working at the brunette’s pants once more. “Too risky.”

 

“C’mon, you’re supposed to be an adrenaline junkie.”

 

“Tch. Just shut up already.”

 

He couldn’t help but smirk at this. “Suit yourself.”

 

_But no flame burns forever, oh no_

_You and I both know this all too well_

_And most don’t even last the night_

_No, they don’t, they say they don’t…_

 

Neither of them spoke much as they made their way back to the dorm. Due to his buzz, Shinjiro was still working on coming down from his high. Every time he looked over at Akihiko, though, his stomach flipped. It was a pleasant sensation.

 

When they did finally make it back to the dorm and to their rooms, Shinjiro couldn’t help but stop Akihiko outside of his. He gently pushed him against the door, pressing his body against the other’s as he kissed him. For a moment, Akihiko reciprocated the kiss. Then he turned his head away, breaking it.

 

“What do you think you’re doing?” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

 

A soft smirk spread across Shinjiro’s lips. “Just imagine how much better it would be in an actual bed.”

 

“Tch.” He pushed the brunette away from him. “Imagine how much better it would be if you actually gave a shit.”

 

With that, he turned to open his bedroom door. Shinjiro stopped him again, though, when he reached over him to keep the door shut. Now would be the opportune moment for the brunette to bring up what he had spent all night thinking about. He was too focused on the other’s attitude, though. Something was different. Off.

 

“Tell me something, Aki,” he said right in his ear. The warm breath that hit the back of Akihiko’s neck caused him to shiver. “Tell me how you feel.”

 

He shoved him away once more. “What has gotten into you?”

 

“C’mon, it’s a simple question.” Maybe if the other told him what he wanted to hear, all his bad feelings would just…disappear. Maybe it would make everything better. It would make everything worth it. “Please.”

 

Akihiko looked him up and down before shaking his head. “I can’t do this right now. I’m tired, Shinji. And I can only imagine you are, too.”

 

Huh. Talk about a buzzkill. He swallowed hard. “Right.”

 

With that, Akihiko finally entered his bedroom. Shinjiro stood on the opposite side as the door closed, locking him out. He stood there for another moment, waiting for the door to open again and welcome him inside. When it didn’t, he finally made his way to his own room. Once he closed the door behind him, he let out a heavy sigh.

 

“You’re right, Aki,” he said to himself. “I am tired.”

 

_Oh, babe_

_I’ve never been so lost_

_I wanna hear you laugh_

_One last time_

_Just one last time…_

 

Akihiko found himself at the spot where he and Shinjiro had met up multiple times over the course of the last year and a half. He stood there and he waited. In the cold. In the dark. In the shadows. Except he knew better. He knew the brunette wouldn’t be showing up anytime soon. He wasn’t going to show up ever again.

 

It didn’t take long for reality to sink in. Shinjiro was gone. He died with redemption and Akihiko respected the way he went out. He respected the fact that he didn’t want to be saved. He respected the fact that he believed things were meant to be this way. What he didn’t respect was himself. The way he had been acting. Behaving. The way he had been treating the other. It hadn’t been very fair to either of them.

 

Akihiko’s relationship with Shinjiro had taken that next step when the brunette left the group after the incident. When he first departed, Akihiko let him be. He let him have his space. He figured he would come around soon enough. Come to his senses. Once six months had passed them by, though, he realised Shinjiro wasn’t planning on returning. So he tracked him down. Found him at the station’s back alley. Then he tried to talk some sense into him. When that didn’t work, he decided he would knock some sense into him. These fights keep happening until, finally, Shinjiro discovered Akihiko’s weakness.

 

That first kiss was awkward and clumsy. And it took Akihiko’s breath away. After a few more attempts, it became natural. Second nature. And it still took his breath away.

 

Now he couldn’t bring himself to breathe properly. His chest felt tight and hands were shaking and stomach was knotted, and there was nothing pleasant about the sensations. There was nothing pleasant about reality. Not in this moment. Hell, he just wanted to go back. Even if he couldn’t change the outcome, he still wanted to go back. He wanted one more chance to talk to him. To tell him the truth.

 

_And, oh, babe_

_I really wish you would not cry_

_I only ever told you one lie_

_When it could have been a thousand_

_It might as well have been a thousand…_

 

Their relationship had been about more than just…getting off. In the beginning, it was strange. It was new. It was a rare occurrence. When it did happen, though, it was real. It felt right. Every kiss, every touch, every—Everything caused a spark. A spark of passion. A spark of adrenaline. A spark of—Akihiko wasn’t sure at the time if he could’ve called it love. But he did know it was perfect. Better yet, after a while, it started happening more often. And every time it did happen, he forgot about the rest of the world.

 

Until it started happening only when Shinjiro had been drinking. That was when it had become less than perfect. It had become routine. Almost like an obligation. Half the time, he couldn’t tell if he had actually been responding properly or not. But he did know that, rather than him feeling satisfied after, he felt empty. Drained. Used.

 

He understood now---too little, too late—that he had been wrong to feel such a way. He understood now that things had changed because Shinjiro had become afraid. He feared his feelings and hid them at the bottom of every bottle. And Akihiko misinterpreted the actions and caused himself to become emotionless.

 

Quite frankly, it had turned into a shit show of a relationship.

 

Now he wished he could’ve told Shinjiro the truth. Every time the brunette asked him to tell him how he felt… Damn it, he should’ve been honest rather than just dismissing the question. Then maybe things would’ve turned out better. Maybe he would’ve asked for help. Maybe he would’ve reached out. Maybe he wouldn’t feel so guilty.

 

That’s not how the situation worked out, though. Instead, he had to try to live with the concept that this is how things should be. He had to settle for the memories and live with not being able to create more. He had to live with himself. With the fact that he might as well have lied.

 

_But no flame burns forever, oh no_

_You and I both know this all too well_

_And most don’t even last the night_

_No, they don’t, they say they don’t…_

 

October third.

 

In twenty-four hours, it would be the two-year anniversary of…the incident. Two years. It was all Shinjiro could think about. All he could focus on. And he couldn’t help but feel that something dreadful was going to happen at the end of those twenty-four hours. Something unpreventable.

 

Usually when he had these bad feelings, he would seek out alcohol for company. Tonight, though, he sought out Akihiko. He existed his own room and moved one door down. He paused before it, listening in. He could hear the other throwing punches at his at bag. He took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

 

The echoing of punches stopped. There was a moment of silent before he heard footsteps approaching the door. It swung open to reveal a shirtless Akihiko.

 

“The hell you think you’re doing?” Shinjiro said with a raised eyebrow. “Answering your door looking like that?”

 

“Had a feeling it’d just be you.” He leaned against the doorframe, folding his arms across his chest. “What do you want?”

 

“Think I could come in?”

 

He sighed. “Fine.”

 

With that, he stepped aside, granting the brunette entrance. As soon as he closed the door behind them, Shinjiro turned on him and picked him up. He pinned him against the door as he captured his lips in a searing kiss.

 

“Shinji,” he said between gasps. He already sounded breathless and it made Shinjiro want to keep going. “I’ve told you before, we can’t do this here.”

 

“Can’t say I really feel like going out anywhere,” he said. “Besides, I’m guessing we ain’t going to Tartarus tonight if you’re training on your own in here. So, it’s not like anyone will be interrupting us.”

 

“But—”

 

The brunette kissed Akihiko again before he could finish his train of thought. And, for once, Akihiko seemed content with letting go of the argument. With a smirk, Shinjiro then pulled him away from the door. The next surface to collide with Akihiko’s back was the mattress.

 

The brunette wanted tonight to be different. He had something to prove. Even if he couldn’t admit it to himself, maybe he could make Akihiko realise it.

 

_And we can talk it round again, babe_

_Round and round, round and round again_

_Or we could leave it out tonight_

_Leave it out, just leave it out…_

 

Akihiko was almost surprised by Shinjiro’s behaviour. Typically, the brunette was rough and quick-paced. Tonight, though, he seemed to be okay with taking his time. Akihiko wasn’t sure if there was single patch of skin that had yet to be touched. That had yet to be kissed.

 

By the time they were coming down from their high, he feared the worst. He was almost certain Shinjiro would just get up and go as if it were nothing. Return to his own room like it was a normal night. Like nothing had happened between them. Between the sheets. And when he felt shifting behind him, he closed his eyes. But then arms were wrapping around him. Shinjiro’s arms. And they were warm and welcoming and—

 

“How drunk are you?” Akihiko spoke up before he could register how bad of an idea it was to say that. How insensitive it was.

 

“I ain’t drunk,” Shinjiro said.

 

“You’re not?”

 

He chuckled. “No, moron.”

 

“Then…are you feeling okay?”

 

“Why do you always ask me that whenever I’m good to you? Is it really that rare of me to act this way?”

 

“It’s just… Usually you’ve always been drinking before you—”

 

“Well, not this time. Stop criticising me, though. You should be happy I ain’t drunk, not trying to figure out why.”

 

He was right. He had no excuse for acting suspicious of his behaviour. He should’ve been welcoming of it. For whatever odd reason, though, he couldn’t help but be questioning of it as well.

 

“It’s weird,” Akihiko spoke up again. He then turned to face the brunette. “We’ve been in each other’s lives for as long as I remember, yet with every year I’ve known you, I feel like I know less about you. Like…I just understand less and less.”

 

“Shit. You’re seriously overthinking things.”

 

“Don’t do that. Don’t just dismiss—”

 

“I ain’t dismissing anything. All I’m saying is that you know me better than anyone. Trust me on that. I don’t give anyone else the time of day. You’re the only person I make time for.”

 

“The only time I ever see you, though, is when we…” He trailed off, gesturing between the two of them to finish his thought. It sounded crude, otherwise. “If you ask me, that’s not exactly an ideal sort of relationship.”

 

_I never tried to trick you, babe_

_I just tried to work it out_

_But I was swallowed up by doubt_

_If only things were black and white_

_Cuz I just want to hold you tight_

_Without holding back my mind_

_Without holding back my mind…_

 

“Relationship?” Shinjiro said. He paused, thinking. Huh. He supposed it could’ve been considered a relationship. Maybe not a very healthy one, but… At least it wasn’t toxic. Unless the other thought differently. “Tell me something, Aki.”

 

“Let me guess…”

 

“Tell me how you feel.”

 

He let out a soft sigh. “Y’know, you’ve asked me that after every time we’ve been together recently.”

 

“Because you keep avoiding giving me an answer.”

 

“Well, I don’t know what you want to hear.”

 

“Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Just tell me how you feel, Aki. C’mon, why does this seem to be such a complicated concept for you to grasp?”

 

“Tch. Please. Don’t get me started on complicated.”

 

Now the brunette rolled his eyes. “Whatever. You gonna give me a proper answer or not? I ain’t got all night.”

 

He removed himself from the bed. “Then just go already.”

 

“Not until you give me a frigging answer.”

 

“Why is it so important to you?”

 

“The sooner you give me an answer, the sooner I get to leave.”

 

“Fine.” He tossed his boxers at him. “I feel nothing.” Followed by his pants. “Not a damn thing.” Then his shirt. “Can’t imagine these nights mean anything to you.” And, lastly, his beanie. “So why the hell would they mean something to me? Why would I let myself get attached?”

 

Shinjiro shook his head. “I don’t believe you.”

 

“What does it matter?”

 

He practically jumped out the bed, closing the distance between him and the other to kiss him for the umpteenth time that night. Akihiko didn’t even try to pull away or push the brunette away. He just returned the kiss. There was something…painful about it, though. A sense of dread that had never been there before.

 

“You should go,” Akihiko said once they broke apart. That was when he stepped away from the brunette. “It’s late and tomorrow is a full moon.”

 

“Aki—”

 

“Stop. I can’t do this right now.”

 

“That’s what you always say.”

 

“Then maybe it’s about time you listen.”

 

With that, he showed the brunette the door. He took his leave and returned to his own room. He would try to get some rest. After all, tomorrow would indeed be a full moon. October fourth. The two-year anniversary.

 

Akihiko didn’t say goodnight, so Shinjiro wouldn’t say goodbye.

 

_But no flame burns forever, oh no_

_You and I both know this all too well_

_And most don’t even last the night_

 

The Dark Hour had long since passed by the time Akihiko found himself returning to the dorm. He couldn’t bring himself to feel better about the situation. He knew he had to be strong, though. He had to keep fighting. If not for himself, then at least for Shinjiro. There was no way he would let Strega get away with their actions.

 

When he arrived at the dorm, he stopped outside it, looking it up and down. For the first time in two years, he finally understood why Shinjiro hadn’t wanted to come back. Hell, this place wasn’t a home. It was just a building housing a bunch of kids who were way in over their heads. It was a building of memories that never should’ve existed in the first place.

 

Once he finally convinced himself to go inside, he blindly made his way up to the second floor. He passed the first door on the left, stopping in front of the second. He didn’t open the door, though. Instead, he retraced his steps and stopped in front of the first door. He placed his hand on the knob, hesitating. There was nothing waiting for him on the other side. No one. It was just an empty room. With an empty bed. But he wasn’t going to let that stop him.

 

He turned the doorknob, granting himself access into the room. He was right. It was, in fact, empty. Much to his surprise, though, there was a single candle flickering on the desk. He stepped up to it. Also on the desk was a small box. Inside the box were all the things Shinjiro no longer needed. All the things he left behind.

 

Akihiko soon took his leave. Before he did, though, he blew out the candle. After all, there was no need for it to keep burning.


End file.
